Cellphone Bill’s, you get them every month without fail but for many years I’ve wondered what exactly the arbitrary numbers on my bill actually mean. It actually makes no sense to me why they make the bill so incredibly complex so as to confuse people. Today I decided to do an analysis of my monthly cellphone bill. Just to put it into perspective I pay R229 a month for the MTN 200 contract (where I get R200 to do what I need) and then a further R50 for 200 sms’s and R10 for a 10 meg data bundle. By my rudimentary mathematics that comes to R279.

Let’s cross off the contents on the bill. First up there’s the subscription fee which is R175.44 ex vat or R200 including. The extra fee for my E71 is R29 a month which is on the bill. So far, it makes perfect sense to me. Looking at the SMS bundle it costs me R50 and the data bundle is R10. Caller Line Identity is R8 and Itemised Billing is another R19.

Now here’s where it gets interesting:

Despite the fact that my contract was advertised at R229 INCLUDING CLI and Itemised Billing I’m still getting charged for it. I’m not even sure who to speak to to complain about this considering I have no way of getting the advert for my contract. Fact of the matter is that MTN hid these costs and frankly how the hell do they justify charging R19 for five pieces of paper. That however is a debate for another grumpy blog post.

Here’s the rub though: I’m getting charged a further 8 rand (not a lot of money but a principle issue) despite still carrying over an amount of R6. You see, I’m on a contract that gives you a specific amount of money to use and only after that amount is used up do they start charging you more money. Here’s the rub: I’m getting charged yet still carrying an amount over which frankly does not make sense. The situation gets even worse when you look at the itemised billing as everything is zero billed meaning that I didn’t go over my 200 allotted rands but yet I’m being charged. I’m frankly confused.

You see this is my issue: if MTN charges a mere eight bucks (which no one really cares about if they’re on a contract) they’re technically making extra millions per month. I’m not saying that this is what they’re doing but wouldn’t it be nice if cellphone companies actually made it easy to understand your bill? How about automatically adding vat into the individual prices and explaining why you charge despite carrying over minutes? Why not show which calls were charged for and an explanation on why I’m being charged for Itemised Billing and CLI. Considering this is one of the easier bills I’ve seen I should count myself lucky.

Just saying

You see, today I had to get Butter Chicken rather than Chicken Korma due to their not being Chicken Korma. Now there’s two issues here: the first is that this was at a large Woolworths that even has a clothes section, not some little garage store. The second issue to consider is that it’s Wednesday, hardly the end of the week or the weekend where there are less people to stock the shelves.

Here’s my issue with Butter Chicken: I can also add tomato sauce with a bit of spices to cubes of chicken. The reason there are nearly full shelves of Butter Chicken over Chicken Korma is because it is rubbish in comparison.

Woolworths knows exactly how many products they sell and I’m pretty sure they can use that to create trend graphs. How hard could it be to create a system where they create an alert to the main warehouse dispatches certain products when they reach a certain level? I’m not saying that Woolworths should spend millions to dispatch a load of Chicken Korma the moment it reaches a low level but how hard can it be to send out products when they are almost going to run out rather when they run out.

Sadly I’m not the only one with this problem and based on an informal poll this is fairly common.

To end a short and not so angry rant all I can say is Woolworths: buy/steal/build a decent ordering system because this is totally ridiculous.

Swine Flu, you’ve heard about it on every single news report in every country in the world. Social Media networks such as Facebook, Twitter and Blogs are going mad with over 10000 “tweets” about the disease every hour. We’re told by the World Health Organisation that there is no cure for Swine Flu and an outbreak is imminent. According to the news, people are dying left, right and centre. For many it’s only a matter of time before a rag-tag bunch of survivors are left killing swine infested zombies.

Sci-fi humour aside, I’m skeptical on this whole swine flu “epidemic” and I feel a bit of investigation is required.

First of all, I want to take a look at the issue of the World Health Organisation’s different pandemic levels. We’re currently at level five, one level away from a full on pandemic. While this seems fairly fear inducing I think people need to have these levels explained. Phases one to three mean that there is mostly animal infection with minimal human cases. Phase four means that there is significant human outbreak on a “community level”. When you put it into perspective it doesn’t seem so scary right?

Unfortunately we are no longer on phase four but rather on the paranoia inducing phase 5. Phase 5 is characterised by “human-to-human spread of the virus into at least two countries in one WHO region”. Technically Mexico and America are in the same WHO region so by default we’re in phase 6. Right now you’re coming to your sense but there’s some paranoid niggling in the back of your mind and that is “what about the cases in Hong Kong, Israel, the United Kingdom and even back home in South Africa?” On a local level, the unfortunate lady that went to Mexico is very much still alive. The media will lead you to believe that Swine Flu will eat your insides and make you cough up your intestines but this is patently untrue. Swine flu makes you sick like normal flu and does not kill you within minutes of contracting the disease. Even in Mexico, the centre of the pandemic, there have only been 16 deaths from swine flu. Now there have been over 450 cases of swine flu but only 16 dead? Unfortunately the news you watch every night tends to make out like there are 450 people dead from swine flu in Mexico when in reality this is not the case. Watching the news will make anyone go crazy.

Two years ago when bird flu was announced the hype was that when these sick, zombie birds returned to Europe in their normal migratory patterns the whole of Europe would be wiped out by a sickness that we would never see before. Here’s the reality: Europe is still very much where it was last time I looked and the people of Europe are still very much alive despite the attempts of flu infested birds.

If we’re talking statistics the very same World Health Organisation that is spouting different pandemic levels released a study about the amount of people that died from AIDS in the world is close on 2 million in 2007. Considering that these are deaths from AIDS rather than AIDS related complications, the numbers are lower than the total deaths and are potentially staggering. Surely 16 people dying is hardly an epidemic?

If we’re playing the numbers game lets look at deaths from car accidents. In a study done in the US from 1999 to 2003 there were on average 36,676 deaths per year from car accidents meaning 1 in 7700 people died while in the car. Now correct me if I’m wrong but do we consider either AIDS or driving to be pandemics? They certainly kill more people than Swine Flu has.

According to many news reports swine flu is so scary because there is no cure and we’re all going to die once it spreads. The news is correct here but has conveniently bent the truth to up their ratings. While there is no direct cure for the swine flu H1N1 virus it is affected by current medicine such as Tamiflu. The reality is that we know so little about this virus that Tamiflu seems to be a reasonable solution to the worldwide 4000 odd cases of swine flu.

So all in all people need to calm down; don’t speak to Mexican’s and just act as you normally would. Remember, people freaking out and watching the news leads to more advertisers and more money in the recession. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be disturbed by this potential epidemic but don’t buy into the hype.

Not the same banana I mention below

You’ve seen those adverts on T.V. at all times of the day. They offer you ringtones, wallpapers and all sorts of videos. What you don’t see is the teensy tiny writing that says “R60 per week” or some other outlandish number per day/week/month. The nasty reality is that these services charge consistently until you stop using the service. Now I’m not sure if you get to keep the content once you stop paying but either way, it seems odd to have to pay “rent” for a ringtone or a wallpaper. I was quoted a fact today of one company making a R200 million profit off these services so there’s clearly a lot of suckers out there.

I had the pleasure of being forced to watch some of these adverts yesterday and while almost all of them were burned from my mind one stood out: the dancing banana ringtone. Now not only was this extremely catchy as a song but what really stood out for me was the fact that it cost a massive R14 per two days! Do the math, that’s R210 a month for a dumb ring tone. My entire cellphone bill comes to a little more than that. Considering there were other services that cost R60 per week I thought the dancing banana was actually pretty reasonable.

And let’s not even start with the actual content here because we can get onto a whole new conversation but easy access to pornography is a long discussion I’m not going to get into. Either way, it’s quite a dubious business.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with capitalism. Frankly if you buy something then pay a certain amount for it. What I have a problem with is that these services are taking advantage of those people that are stupid enough to not read the fine print. Now based on the amount of advertising that these companies put together it seems likely that there’s plenty of money being made in the ring tone industry. The moral is thus: charge a fair amount and don’t hide or downplay the cost and feed on suckers.

Is it acceptable that this is going on? Most certainly not. The question is though, what is going to be going on to regualte this industry and why are they being allowed to rip people off willy nilly? I propose an industry regulator that sets limits on rates as well as negotiates cheaper content so that there is no issue with profit margins.

I’m putting out an open offer for anyone that wants a specific ring tone or piece of content to give me an ADSL voucher and I’ll download it for you. Yip, I’d rather advocate piracy than lets these scum suckers take advantage of the underprivledged in this country. Remember kids, you can get it all on Bittorrent and piracy is so much better than getting ripped off.

How can Catholics continue to consider a man that travels through Africa telling people rather to risk AIDS than use a condom their Pope? How can they as a religion just accept and brush aside the molestation that occurs by priests? How can so much hate come from such a simple concept? Are we as human beings a lot dumber than we pretend to be?

People are so scared that after they die that they will not go to heaven so they partake in Pagan rituals, devoid of reality so that they can be sent to heaven when they die. People attempt to live a pious life that is so unattainable in modern day reality that they come across as hypocrites only so that they can not go to hell. Maybe it’s just me but when I die I just want that to be it. I don’t want to go to Heaven or Hell and I certainly don’t live in fear of some imaginary place.

Human beings are scared of a mythical hell, a place not proven by science or logic but a made up place that some religious person created so that he (notice the HE) could enslave humanity under a dictatorial dogma that would continue to be pervasive hundreds, if not thousands of years later. If you can give me one explanation of Heaven or Hell actually existing I’ll delete this post immediately.

We believe in religion because it is supposedly “god given” but since we cannot prove this then it is a matter of “faith” right? So the moral of the story is that we need to buy into an invisible, angry god that doesn’t really want to help us unless we donate money to the church/shul/whatever. The amusing reality is that most of the supposedly religious literature is actually admittedly written by a normal human being. Sure, that author was an amazing writer and storyteller but all religions actually admit that most of their text does not come from a divine power! How on earth can a person just conveniently be able to speak to word of god? I’ll tell you how: Schizophrenia.

The whole concept is totally out of sync with modern day life. The way I see it religion is purely about fear and having to suffer for the purpose of improving your religion. Every religious person out there is quite simply a hypocrite. Why you ask? Well quite simply it’s impossible to just sacrifice everything for a theory so people simply do not make those sacrifices simply because it is inconvenient. Yet, they preach on about their pious lives while at the same time throwing judgment on those that do not fit into their mould.

I personally know of a friend I went to school with that recently got engaged, not because he loved and knew the girl but because it is his duty as a religious Jew to reproduce as much as possible. Now I personally hope it does not come true but how happy a life can you have when you’ve known the girl for a few weeks and are getting married purely for the sake of it? Not only are you bringing in more kids than the world needs purely for the sake of some dogma but you’re also bringing them into what is most likely going to be an unhappy marriage.

I don’t get it, why do you need to believe in something to live your life? Can’t you just work on being a nice person rather than praying to an invisible being to satiate your own niggling doubts and emotional lackings.

So that’s it. People need religion because they’re scared or because they cannot cope with their days and need a crutch of some sort. Sure, I guess that crutch is better than say an alcoholic abusing his kids or say killing a whack of people in a suicidal death run but…….. oh no, I just described what religious people do.

Apparently (and this is the good part): “Clive Human, spokesperson for Standing Together to Oppose Pornography (Stop), said photos of this nature and late-night television programmes could lead to an addiction to pornography.” I’m going to run a theory past you quickly: How many women get abused versus the amount of people that get addicted to pornography? I’d imagine the people that get addicted to pornography have addictive personalities anyway? They’re most likely desperate for some for of love and attention and this is some release.

I’m not saying that Pornography addiction is wrong. I’d imagine it’s a tough affliction much like any addiction, substance or otherwise. All I’m saying is that it’s totally ridiculous to complain that celebrities are posing nude to prove a point and I’m not entirely sure how a pair of boobs is going to destroy someone’s lives? I’ve seen some of the photos and while there is a bit of nudity it’s fairly tastefully done. Maybe I’m crazy but I’d imagine that it’s not a pair of boobs that make you into a pornography addict but (and here’s a crazy thought) pornography itself? I know it’s crazy (sarcasm) but it makes sense in my mind. Imagine for a second you said that a Cocaine addict got addicted through the caffeine in Coca-Cola. It’s a little ridiculous to say something that might be bad for you will lead to a much worse addiction.

This brings us to my ultimate point: if you don’t like it then don’t buy it. No one is holding a gun to your head and making you buy the damn magazine are they? It’s people like those complaining about the magazine that are so scared about their body. I’m not saying we should all let it hang out on the street but it’s about time that radical Christian groups grew up and realised it’s a body and there’s nothing wrong with it.

Final point: If God made us then why would he want us to hide our bodies in shame? Answer that and I’ll be impressed.

Unless you’ve had your head in the sand for the past few days you’ll have noticed that Israel has been bombing the snot out of some Hamas terrorists in Gaza. Now it’s safe to say in terms of firepower Israel is the Goliath and Hamas/the Palestinians is little David. In every other story but the bible Goliath beats little David into a pulp and that’s just life. For some reason though, when it comes to the public relations side, it’s the people of Gaza that are the Goliath here.

For the past few months Hamas terrorists in the Gaza strip have been lobbing Quassam rockets into Israel and now Israel is retaliating. What I find fascinating is that despite Israel simply defending themselves and killing terrorists (something that most of the world is freakishly comfortable about) they are being branded as the aggressor.

Let me put it into context here: If someone comes into your house (who happens to live in your garden) and starts shooting wildly wouldn’t you defend yourself? Wouldn’t you defend yourself especially if you had much larger guns and had no chance of getting touched? Surely when you retold the story people would understand that you were the victim? I’m pretty sure any logical human being would be able to see the reality here.

So why exactly are the Hamas TERRORISTS being considered the victim here? Why are there protests around the world against Israel? Why are the European Union having talks to try solve the situation? Where was all this outcry when Hamas was lobbing Quassam rockets into Israel and killing innocent Israeli’s? It’s an crazy thought isn’t it?

Here’s an interesting fact: Israel pulled every settler and citizen of theirs out of Gaza in an attempt to give the Gazan’s some form of autonomy. Sadly this is not good enough for the leaders of Gaza who are still not only condoning but promoting terrorism and rocket attacks. If this isn’t enough they refuse to accept that Israel is even an authentic state. Maybe it’s just me but that seems like a pretty disgusting attitude to a people, who certainly haven’t always been perfect, but are offering a solution. The simple fact is that the Gazan’s and Hamas are shoving any potential peace talks not only in the face of the Israeli’s but also the rest of the Palestinian people in the West Bank.

The reality is that of the close to 300 killed in Gaza these past four days are mostly terrorists and not innocent little Johnny sitting in his school. Israel has been targetting terrorist camps and headquarters rather than homes.

The moral of the story is that I’m tired. I’m tired of people giving Israel crap for defending themselves from aggressors and I’m tired of Hamas/Gaza making out like they are so innocent and the victim. They broke the ceasefire and they deserve a retaliation if they are going to kill innocent people.

I wish the media would open their eyes and stop the bias. I also wish Israel would learn some decent public relations because it’s ridiculous that a terrorist organisation is being considered the victim.

Video games cost a thousand rand each; a cup of coffee costs over twenty-five rand and the cost of cars, locally produced or imported, have increased exponentially. However, despite all this doom and gloom the price of petrol has dropped substantially and we had a drop in inflation this week. Quite clearly the government is on the side of the consumer and trying to increase spending while at the same time lowering debt. What strikes me though is that there are companies out there that seem hell bent on ripping off the consumer.

I’m not going to mention any specific names as it’s quite a general problem at the moment but I do want to highlight the issue. The easiest way to explain things is the old equation of: Price * Quantity = Profit. If price goes up, the quantity desired goes down and vice versa. What South African companies are doing is ruining any chance of having a decent Christmas season by upping their prices. Now I understand that the exchange rate has gone to hell but we’ve already experienced a relatively instant price increase when the Rand/Dollar rate was 10:1. A certain coffee shop I frequent has raised its prices a massive twenty percent despite already having an increase this year already. What we have here is rampant profiteering with no remorse.

Considering salaries have not gone up (nor do they look like they will due to the aforementioned recession) increasing prices has a doubly negative effect for consumers. The moral of the story: this is going to be a bleak Christmas for retailers and it’s their own fault.

The reason for my ire is quite simple, “Meh” is now part of the English dictionary. For the cool kids with social lives, “Meh” is a term coined online that denotes “indifference or boredom”. I’m sorry, when did overweight man-children living in their parents basements become the new rock stars of the English language?

The simple fact of the matter is that “Meh” is not derived from any Latin or ancient language. It’s not a derivation of another common word nor is it an abbreviation of anything useful. At the core, “Meh” is a rubbish word with no value what-so-ever. If the Collins English Dictionary had any sense they would realise that people online use dumb words like this as they are quicker to type on a keyboard. You need things to be easy to type as you’ve either gorging on a diet Coke and a Pizza Hut special or even worse, playing World of Warcraft. These online “words” are all about convenience rather than intellectualism, a glaringly obvious fact!

As is common for me, after the ramble, here comes the point: How are stupid words like this acceptable in society? I know being stupid is becoming more acceptable than intellectualism these days but surely the boffins at Collins are a bastion against this?

I think it’s pretty much a commentary against society these days. When our icons are the like of Paris “that’s hot” Hilton you cannot expect much more from humanity. I really hope it’s going to become fashionable to be smart soon, if not our world is doomed towards society influenced mental retardation.

PS: My blog isn’t allowing me to upload photo’s at the moment hence the lack of graphic stimulation.

I recently found myself at the Johannesburg International Motorshow, specifically at the Fiat stand. Now Fiat has always been quite a basic car manufacturer of cars that offered good cheap and cheery cars. I was wrong. Now I’ve blogged plenty about the Fiat 500 and despite it being a very girly car it’s something I covet. When I sat in it, I had to push the seat all the way back making the car essentially a two seater making it a cute if impractical car. It’s also ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THOUSAND RAND! I’ve failed to mention that this is for a 1.4 liter engine. Now that’s a lot of money for something that’s hardly going to keep its value. It’s a niche Fiat, it’s going to devalue at an alarming rate. Personally a small, impractical car that will allow your friends to mock your manliness just got crossed off my list of wants and for me the rip off price is the clincher.

Issue no 2: I have a friend who is looking for a laptop. Being an informed tech guy I’ve been helping him look. Since Dell allows you to configure laptops on their site I went to take a look. Now the first prize for my friend would obviously be a new Macbook or Macbook Pro but since they are insanely expensive we’re looking elsewhere. The basic Dell laptop, the Inspiron has an integrated graphics card and will not work for his modeling (Engineering not Zoolander) software. This means we had to look at the Studio range of laptops. The options are 15″ or 17″ so I looked at the 15″. Now being an inquisitive young man I did some pricing to see how it fared to a Macbook Pro of equal specifications. Basically the entry level Macbook Pro costs a whopping R24000 so I expected a fairly lower amount for the Dell. The (relatively) equivalent Dell costs over R30000. Now Dell is a certainly not a budget computer but they’re pretty middle of the range. If this is middle of the range for a powerful laptop then I cannot imagine what the cost of an expensive Sony laptop with similar specs would cost. How does Dell hope to compete on these prices? I’d buy a Mac over a Dell any day!

Question of the day: How do companies hope to sell products? I know there is a credit crunch and we’re supposed to stop spending but companies are actually doing the work for us. The simple economic concept is that if you lower prices you stimulate buying and stem the economic crisis. Instead, companies are trying to make the most off fewer units.

Lower your prices, we’ll buy more. The end!