I’ve watched this advert twice and frankly didn’t get it until it dawned on me: VW is so scared that people are going to think that the new VW Golf 6 is actually just the Golf 5 in a slightly different frock that they decided to barely put the actual car in this advert and distract you by showing a poor three legged Cheetah.

Think about it; instead of saying: “Wow, I’m not paying over 200K for a car I could have bought four years ago and is more expensive to buy yet cheaper to build”, people will say: “Awww, look at the Cheetah”. It’s a simple marketing trick known as “positive association” whereby the viewer associates a totally unrelated topic to the product advertised and then has warm cuddly feelings to the cute Cheetah… I mean Golf 6.

Seriously though, an advert about a woman that rehabilitates Cheetah’s for a living would be able to afford a Golf 6? I mean have you seen the price of those cars?

The advert revolves around a woman narrating how she found this Cheetah that had to have its leg amputated but it can amazingly still walk and blah blah until the very end of the advert when she puts the Cheetah in the back of the car and rolls down the window so it can feel the sensation of speed despite not being able to run. The tag line is “Just because she can’t run, doesn’t mean she’s not a Cheetah”. Do you see what they did there and how clever it is?

Maybe it’s just me but the message I’m getting is that if you’ve had the misfortune of an amputation then don’t worry because all you need to do is buy a Golf 6 and you’ll be able to “run” again. I’m surprised the insensitive people that put this advert together didn’t cast Oscar Pistorious in the advert.

The reality is they didn’t get particularly innovative in the creation of the car so why try stick your neck out with the advertising of the vehicle? I mean what’s wrong with the old car advert staple of hot girls, flashing lights and the aforementioned hot girls acting very naughty?

I think I’m just a cold hearted bastard for feeling nothing when this ad comes on besides disdain. It has nothing to do with the car and doesn’t even aim to promote brand loyalty or some other fancy marketing buzzword. The irony about the Golf 6 is that despite bad advertising, despite the insanely high pricing and despite the (cosmetically) four parts of the car they changed from the last model it’s still going to sell in the bucketloads. Ho hum

When a company does a re-brand, most of the time they end up pumping out a new ad campaign to make sure they get a proverbial “bang for their buck”. Mweb made the most mediocre attempt to re-brand themselves by changing their slogan and this has translated well into the resultant adverts that have come out of the effort.

The premise of the advert is that through the power of the Internet you can connect with people you’ve last seen since you went to school with. Long story (30 seconds) short the hero of the advert is sitting looking at a year book and see’s something poking out of his book. He scratches through to see a finger poking out. He pulls out the finger, then pulls on an arm and then eventually his school friend pops out still wearing his old school uniform that he clearly doesn’t fit into. The advert ends with the two awkwardly standing next to each other trying not to make eye contact.

I’ll be the first to admit that this is a clever advert. The Internet and social networking has given us the ability to find people from our past and connect with them. What this has led to is us searching high and low for people from our past, the thrill of the connection and then the awkwardness of trying to explain the past twenty years that have gone by since you last saw that person. The advert captures that reality quite well and despite it taking me a while to actually get the message it does makes sense to me.

Or does it?

You see, I’ve been using social networking since forever and I understand that rush of finding an old friend only to be followed by the awkwardness. You see, I’m not the target market for this advert as I’ve already got the Internet and I know that Mweb is horribly over-priced so I’d avoid them like the plague. This advert is aimed at the first time broadband purchaser and here’s where everything goes off the rails. Quite simply trying to explain social networking by alluding to how it feels is like trying to teach nuclear physics off a pamphlet. All you are going to achieve with this campaign is to make people associate awkwardness with the Internet.

Based on an informal poll I did on people who use the Internet on a daily basis, but not for social networking, thought that this advert was particularly pointless. No one understood its relevance and even less people thought it was particularly funny or smart. Based on this new-age concept of going with the “wisdom of the crowd” I’m going to say that this ad is totally off the mark. Based on my own observation I’m going to have to agree with the crowd (maybe I’m a sheep) by giving it a thumbs down due to being overly obtuse to its intended target market.

So that’s the summary: “Mweb, when you do a re-brand don’t just change your slogan and find a stupider person to come up with your adverts”.

Riddle me this: Why on earth does a can maker like Bevcan need to advertise on national T.V. and radio? I’m sorry, I’m probably pretty stupid for not understanding this but it seems to be that the average T.V. viewer does not need to have cans sold to them? I cannot remember the last time I thought to myself: “Wow, wouldn’t it be great if I had a can to put my beverages in.”

It’s illogical to try sell cans to the end user and surely direct marketing to say a company like ABI (Coke bottlers in South Africa) would make more sense? Even if the average home buyer could actually find a need for cans surely they would need to have a canning machine as well?

The adverts message is simple, rather use a can as it’s better than all the other beverage holders people are using in the ad. The advert shows a woman walking down a “pleasant-ville” style street while residents used shells, horns and fruit to drink out of. Now the tag-line for the advert is that cans are better because they’re “cooler, lighter and stronger” and as such you’re “better off with a can”.

No shit you’re better off with a can if you’re comparing it an ostrich egg. Maybe if you compared it to the modern marvel of glass or plastic bottles (which are infinitely more re-usable than a can) you’ll actually have a better solution.

This advert is illogical in its targetting and deceptive in what it actually says. I must be honest, it’s a very fine line between being a smart advert and a really pointless one but this advert tips slightly towards pointless. Spend your money better elsewhere Bevcan, you’ve wasted it here.

Hello Willards, this is common sense calling with a very important message: “It seems as though you lost us somewhere in the conceptualisation of this ad”.

This is the phone call someone needs to make to whomever came up with the concept for this Willards ad. For those of you not in the know Willards is a chip company that competes directly with Simba. Now if you’re going up against the likes of Simba your adverts need to be hotter than hot.

The premise for the advert is simple: two normal guys in their cubicle office talking about something related to business while eating their chips. They then suddenly morph, growing animal parts (such as donkey ears and hooves) and look at each other strangely yet unsure what is wrong. In other, longer versions of the ad these two characters dance around their office and cause havoc for their fellow co-workers. The tag line for the ad and the entire campaign seems to be: “Release your party animal”.

See what they’ve done there and how clever they are? They’ve associated the chips with parties and acting like an animal. You know, because the actors in the ad start looking like animals when they eat Willards chips? Sarcasm aside this is a really dumb advert and a pretty silly concept. I get where they’re going with the whole “Party Animal” thing but if you’re trying to associate partying with eating chips then get a couple of hot models into a room with a dorky looking guy and somehow get the chips to save him from his horrible fate in a humorous or intelligent manner. It’s the classic “hot girl” and “underdog” mix in an advert that has worked for many years; why mess with something good?

If this advert is targeting 14-year old boys then it’s clearly very smart but the reality is that to attract that market you’re doing a better job (and cheaper) to just put adverts on chat sites. I’m obviously not smart enough (or actually more than a shade over 14) to get this advert. It’s just so witty (and pun-ny) that I’m left writing these pithy words.

Seriously Willards, what were you thinking with such ridiculous adverts and such a weak payoff line?

The first blog I ever started was a blog called “Sadvertising” (Get it? Pretty smart huh!). Basically it was a look at really rubbish South African adverts (when I could get hold of them) and generally rip them to shreds. Fortunately I’ve found an exciting new way to get adverts so let the rampage continue! In order to input some regularity into my blog I’ll be publishing Sadvertising on Wednesday evenings every week.

This week I’m talking about the latest Douglas Green adverts. Essentially a reddish haired, middle aged woman starts with the narrative of: “I get asked this question a lot. Do I need a man in my life?”. She then goes on to clean her car, change a lightbulb, drill randomly into a wall and turn a piece of meat on a braai. She then answers her incredibly dumb question, while sitting with some cackling female friends, with the statement: “Yes, absolutely, Douglas Green is always invited”.

Let’s analyse why this is one of the worst adverts I’ve seen this year. The basics are that it’s to promote a wine range by Douglas Green. The first major issue with this advert is that it alienates every male customer Douglas Green might have had. Secondly, who asks stupid questions such as “Do you need a man in your life”? Thirdly, where do drinking wine and (not?) having a man in your life meet? I’m pretty sure the reason you’re substituting a wine in your life rather than living, breathing company is due to either being a big lesbian or the head of the feminist movement, an ironic tautology.

Let’s be realistic here, women do not need men to do menial chores around the house. The main reason (I imagine since the female mind escapes me) women actually get into relationships is not to use men as the local handyman. I’m not going to get into a long list of reasons why relationships do actually occur but lets cut to the chase: it’s pretty condescending to assume that every woman just wants to be an single alcoholic. I’m obviously out of touch with the female mind; unlike the creative geniuses behind this advert.

I’m not sure who this advert is trying to target and if this is the best the creatives could come up with it’s hardly a good message for the creativity that Douglas Green can provide. I know advertising a wine is probably a very tough sell but lets be realistic, there are plenty of new mediums out there that could be better for the direct marketing required for a wine.

A poor effort so back to the drawing board.

If you haven’t seen the legendary “Mac vs PC” adverts yet then you’ve missed out on not only some comic genius but a whole range of Apple smugness. For those individuals who have not seen them go here.

It’s this phenomenal advertising that Apple is synonymous with. With the new millennium came the “Think Differently” campaign and the Mac vs PC adverts that followed were equally successful. What upsets me is the batch of adverts they are currently running on South African TV channels which quite frankly suck.

Let’s take the above advert. It’s the ad for the new Ipod Nano that can now play video. First of all let me talk about the pro’s of the advert: cool concept – simple as that. I’m a fair man and I’m willing to give them that point. Now we can talk about the con’s: The biggest con (and I use a double connotation there) is the fact that the advert doesn’t actually tell me anything about the product. Does it play video? Well I guess we’ll never know from that advert. How long does the battery last? How big is the screen? You’ll have to phone up your local Apple store to find all this out, something the buying public is always keen on doing.I’m sorry, if anyone has actually ever seen the new Ipod Nano you’ll know this fact: the guy in the advert must be the Big Friendly Giant to have the Nano that size in his hands. I have big hands and it doesn’t fit anything like that at all. The perspective is totally incorrect and misrepresents the product totally. The music in the advert also irritates me senseless and the general waste of space (lots of white border) drives me bonkers for some reason as well. The other adverts on TV, one where a little girl is making a photo album faster than tying her two shoes laces is equally useless. This is why the average Mac user is an idiot, they value the ability to do useless stuff like make a photo album (I mean how often have you ever used any computer to do that) easily as a justification of why their computer is better than others. These adverts are targeting the demographic that goes: “oooh, pretty Apple computer/Ipod” and doesn’t care about whether it’s any good.

I don’t quite get why Apple South Africa felt the need to use their own adverts. The overseas one’s are not only vastly better but actually make a person want to buy a Mac due to their perceived benefits. This is typical, Apple South Africa not only rips us off in pricing but the extra money we give them goes to shocking adverts.

To Apple IMC (AKA Apple SA): Stop thinking differently… please.

Hey! We’re KFC’s advertising agency. We’ve spent millions of rands on analysing the market segmentation of the South African fast food market and we’ve (amazingly) realised that the target market for KFC is mainly middle class black citizens.
Hey! I know! Black people like hip hop right? Well let’s be “down with our hommies” and put a cool two year old Missy Eliot tune as a backtrack to some cool “HIP HOP” dancers (two black guys and a white girl, how PC), dancing around with KFC products and then suddenly everyone will want to buy our product! Every marketing text book talks about how positive associations sell products! Yay, we’re so clever! Let’s all go do a couple of lines of Coke and pat each other on the backs for coming up with such a revolutionary advert.Dear whoever does the KFC adverts: It has been a long time…. nay you have never ever come up with a decent concept for KFC. In my brief amount of years on this planet I have never once seen a decent local KFC advert. Since the dawn of time, they have been pathetic. Either a tired old concept or totally illogical. The real question that needs to be asked… why are they still producing these adverts.

The one with the guy eating the burger on the side of the road looking guilty and the cop pulls up? Lame!

That awesome one with the guy rather eating his burger in his car and waiting for the train to pass by? Lame!

My personal favourite is the “Sprinkle Pops shake it” concept. Lets do stupid things that will make us sick to shake up our sprinkle pops! Roll me up in a hammock and let it spin around so I can have vomit flavoured sprinkle pops. The youth of today really have been given great role models. Whats that you say… LAME!

In the adverts defence, it has really high production values and the dancing is actually quite decent.

Shame KFC, your “fantastic” name tarnished by poor adverts

I love posts like this, it makes my life almost to easy. It’s deplorable adverts like this that make me realize how terrible South African advertising is.

“Hummer Hummer, Hummer Hummer Hummer, Hummer Hummer Hummer”

Yes, very deep indeed. With a tagline: “It’s hard to think of anything else”. Basically you can win a Hummer if you sign up to Cell C. Now there are multiple problems here. The first problem is that it’s terribly stupid. Maybe Cell C could bother to service their network and well, I don’t know maybe get 3G coverage rather than waste money on terrible adverts. Cell C has always had a history of witty adverts; it’s what duped everyone to buying into their crap network.
Come on, there is nothing good about this advert. The girls aren’t even that hot and frankly when I hear the word “Hummer” I cringe.

Most people think that this a hummer:

Hummer (Wikipedia)

I am a pervert and think that this is a Hummer:

Hummer (Urban Dictionary)

If that isn’t enough to turn you off driving a gigantic “Chav Mobile” then this advert surely will. What a load of toss